Book borrowing etiquette. (really it's just common sense)

Yes- I have the Twilight books.

What, you want to borrow them?

Ahhh-Ok, but there are rules you have to follow.

Yes- I have rules. They are really just common courtesies involved in me LOANING you my precious books.

No- I am not insane. Do you want the books or not?

Ok then, here is my book borrowing etiquette.

I warn you there are consequences to not following my rules. I am not above dragging your ass to Judge Judy for replacement value and emotional distress.

Here are my rules:

1) Please read my books in a timely manner. It took me 48 hours to read all 4. I will give you a month.

2) Please use a bookmark. Don't dog-ear my books.

3) Please do not spill milk on my book and then allow it to sit in the milk. Do not allow the milk to dry on the book. Do not set my book on top of your dusty TV and allow the dust to settle on the book, making the milk into a muddy mess.

4) Do not rip the pages of my book. If this or #3 happens just march your ass to the store and buy me the same copy. You are now the proud owner of your own jacked up copy of Twilight.

5) Do not use my book as a bug swatter.

6) Do not allow your 2 year old to use my book as a toy. They can't read and will most likely rip pages and probably spill milk on it.

7) Do not eat the following while reading my book- popcorn, cheese curls, buffalo wings, chips of any kind, cotton candy or any other sticky, greasy, messy crap. My book is not a napkin. In fact do not even eat or drink near it.

8) Do not drop my book in the bath tub, a puddle, the dog bowl or a sink full of water. It is not water resistant.

9) Even if you love Edward, do not slobber on the picture of him or Jacob on the front cover of my book. If you feel the need to be psycho, just go all out and stalk them. I do not want your germs on my book.

10) Give me my freaking books back! If you have not read it in 8 months you are probably not going to read it at all. I am not a happy camper when I have to go out and buy a new copy of a book that I already own. I understand that you are busy and don't have time to read it, but go buy your own damn copy to use as a paper weight or whatever other kind of torture you are subjecting my book to.






This post is inspired by MrsMe's poor copy of Twilight. If we didn't love it so much we would burn it and give it a proper burial. The worst part is that the girl who borrowed MrsMe's book read most of the book, but has no interest in finishing it. WTF!!!
I also dedicate this post to my 2 missing copies of Twilight. I miss you and someday when I get really bitchy we will be reunited. When that day happens I can only hope that the assholes that have kept you for so long have at least taken care of you.

Question # 22-

Who enters Bella's house and takes her belongings? What is taken?

Bonus question!!!! (5 points)

This is from New Moon (It is not in the books but it can be found in that secret place I have alluded to)

After the family votes for Bella becoming a vampire what does Edward smash?