Raelynn at Twilight Mania graciously allowed me to repost this article on my page. I found it funny and very applicable to my life.
The following 12 step program may contain spoilers. If you have not read all four books, read at your own risk!
Step 1. Step away from the Twilight books! This includes hard and paperback books, computer downloads, I pods, audio books, ETC.
Step 2. Hide all of your acquired memorabilia, such as clothes, knickknacks, screensavers, ETC.
Step 3. Take a shower, clean your house (no, really clean it), and if you have a significant other, children, pets etc., please locate them and let them know you are trying to get back into the world of the living, and you are on a program to help you.
Step 4. Do not name any children or pets Edward, Bella, Renesmee, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme, etc. (You get my drift).
Step 5. Do not travel to Washington, Italy, Dartmouth College, or anywhere else that might be referenced in the book.
Step 6. Most people will never own any of the cars in this series (except maybe the Volvo), so be happy with the minivan, it’s not that bad!
Step 7. Do not purchase a fur coat and run through the woods looking for Jacob or his pack.
Step 8. Clothes are really not meant to be worn one time only. A normal person does not have as many as Alice unless being a Twilaholic is not their only problem, so don’t try to live up to Alice’s expectations.
Step 9. You cannot “Dazzle” people to get your way. Do not try this, it will be very embarrassing. Live with it, we’re only human, Edward is not.
Step 10. Do not hang out in meadows, parks, at the mall, or Indian Reservations hoping that someone will “IMPRINT” on you. Bad plan.
Step 11. Remember that you actually have to eat more than every week or so (and this doesn’t mean that you should become a hunter in the Cullen sense, you might get hurt). You also have to sleep. No human is that drop dead gorgeous all the time, (remember you are a human and Edward is not) and dark circles under your eyes really suck.
Step 12. Okay, we all know none of this actually sank in the first time. Now you must go back to Step 1 and try again. Remember to keep saying, “I am a human and I’m in the world of the living!”
by Renee Siler Sept. 2008
The following 12 step program may contain spoilers. If you have not read all four books, read at your own risk!
Step 1. Step away from the Twilight books! This includes hard and paperback books, computer downloads, I pods, audio books, ETC.
Step 2. Hide all of your acquired memorabilia, such as clothes, knickknacks, screensavers, ETC.
Step 3. Take a shower, clean your house (no, really clean it), and if you have a significant other, children, pets etc., please locate them and let them know you are trying to get back into the world of the living, and you are on a program to help you.
Step 4. Do not name any children or pets Edward, Bella, Renesmee, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme, etc. (You get my drift).
Step 5. Do not travel to Washington, Italy, Dartmouth College, or anywhere else that might be referenced in the book.
Step 6. Most people will never own any of the cars in this series (except maybe the Volvo), so be happy with the minivan, it’s not that bad!
Step 7. Do not purchase a fur coat and run through the woods looking for Jacob or his pack.
Step 8. Clothes are really not meant to be worn one time only. A normal person does not have as many as Alice unless being a Twilaholic is not their only problem, so don’t try to live up to Alice’s expectations.
Step 9. You cannot “Dazzle” people to get your way. Do not try this, it will be very embarrassing. Live with it, we’re only human, Edward is not.
Step 10. Do not hang out in meadows, parks, at the mall, or Indian Reservations hoping that someone will “IMPRINT” on you. Bad plan.
Step 11. Remember that you actually have to eat more than every week or so (and this doesn’t mean that you should become a hunter in the Cullen sense, you might get hurt). You also have to sleep. No human is that drop dead gorgeous all the time, (remember you are a human and Edward is not) and dark circles under your eyes really suck.
Step 12. Okay, we all know none of this actually sank in the first time. Now you must go back to Step 1 and try again. Remember to keep saying, “I am a human and I’m in the world of the living!”
by Renee Siler Sept. 2008
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